\'Untameable\' by Kat Johnston

Untameable… that is the title for this one. Though how honestly true it is, who is to know? This pretty kitty likes to make it look as if she’s all tough and independant… but is she really as wild as she likes to make out? Methinks perhaps not.

A cat learns to protect herself with a tough exterior if she’s had to go it alone… to admit that you need something is to show vulnerability, and vulnerability isn’t something often rewarded in a world that would turn those weaknesses against you. It sometimes takes a bit for that public illusion to crack, even to the people that really matter… even though that wild cat might be incredibly grateful to be a house pet, finally having a food dish in the corner, a basket to curl up in, and a place to call her very own in from the cold.

Its easier sometimes to put on a front to make yourself seem invulnerable than to admit you might actually want something you desire… Especially when experience has taught that the little constant pain of denying yourself something you need is often more bearable than having those desires twisted by someone and used against you, even in the smallest of ways. A house cat isn’t just admitting her vulnerablity, her need for a home and someone to purr for to her new owner… she is admitting it to the world. She isn’t just breaking a barrier between one person and herself – she is leaving herself exposed and vulnerable to all.

So… Untameable…

Perhaps it isn’t a matter of being tamed at all, but simply a question of giving one the time and understanding required to let a cat who has often had to walk alone be comfortable enough to actually be herself, to trust where so many have broken that trust before. Trying to seem strong, to seem as if one is just fine all by herself is a hard habit to break – especially when one can only feel fear that the person that matters most to them, who has only ever really viewed the invulnerable outer exterior when it pertains to them, may not like the soft, squishy centre that’s really inside.

Perhaps everyone has a touch of the wild cat inside of them… the need for a tough exterior, even in the face of those that we love, that we are most vulnerable to – those that have the ability to bring both the greatest pleasure and the greatest pain… to whom even the hint of the words ‘I’m disappointed’ hurts down to the very core…

How often do we say ‘I’m fine’ even when we aren’t, smile to mask that we are in pain, or accept a task as it stands, struggling at it until it can be accomplished alone, rather than admit that we might need help and guidance to see us through? We all have fears that we are not ‘good enough’… it just feels easier sometimes to think that of yourself and hope that you are wrong than to ever get it confirmed by those around you.

For some it is ingrained deeper than in others – a touch of the wild, that wishes only to be ‘tamed’ – a hope to find that perfect someone to whom we can trust completely, to  strip away the exterior only to find that they still like the vulnerable and often flawed person they find inside… that perfect someone who will treasure them always for the person they really are and forever be that barrier between their own little cat and those that would take advantage of her, of the fact that she really does have wants and needs and desires… just like everybody else.

Ok, so that was really far too long an explanation for this silly little sketch. But hey, it is late at night, and when the brain starts ticking with a thought… it likes to follow it through.