Archive for the 'Humerous' Category

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Sketch: Box kitteh sez ‘I iz live nao? Wheee! Kibble Plz?’

Kat Johnston: Box kitteh... Is she alive? Is she dead? You'll only know if you ignore the 'do not disturb' sticker!

Lord I am tired tonight… and I’m not even entirely sure why. I guess that some days are just long, and when they are, they bear down on you, making you feel worn and weary. That aside though, I’m very happy with my sketch today! A little while back, I did a picture with a scrawled cat… it was the last thing drawn on the sketch and honestly, my favourite part of it. So today, I had another peek at that sketch and thought, ‘yup… I’m going to try this again.’

I did-so, and today’s picture is the result. It is by little wonder that my picture reminds me so much of my darling Lolita, a little tortie cross who is one of two apples of my eyes. Penny, being the other, is not currently pictured.

You see, each night before he goes to bed, my dutiful husband does a round of the house. He makes sure that the doors are locked, that the air-conditioning is off (if indeed it were on on the first place), and so on and so forth. One of the other things he does is check to make sure that both cats are around and safe. We have indoor-only cats, and although there is very little chance that they have somehow performed the great escape, it never hurts to check.

One evening, he does his regular rounds, calling out to the cats to make sure that they are safe and secure like the rest of us. ‘Lolita!’ he calls, ‘Lolita, baby-girl, where are you?’

This goes on for a couple of minutes… then a couple more. After which, he comes racing down the stairs. ‘I can’t find Lolita!’ he cries, his eyes wide and gripped by a certain paternal fear. ‘Come help me look!’

Thus, I join the search. From high to low, from top to bottom, in every perceivable nook and cranny we search to discover the missing feline. She had me quite as mystified as she did James. With a rising panic I realize that it does indeed seem that our magnificent moggy had finally discovered a special secret way known only to cats to teleport from one part of the room to another, but further, how to do it to the outside.

How would she survive? She had no opposable thumbs, no pre-prepared sachets of food designed ‘for pet consumption only’ strapped to her bluish back. She had, of course, wrestled a gecko or two in her day, but that was nothing when put beside the territorial neighbourhood tom.

With a sigh of resignation and no small measure of puzzlement, we were almost ready to admit our defeat. Our cat had somehow escaped, despite all odds of both means, opportunity and brain-matter. ‘One last time,’ murmurs James. The search begun anew.

A bare few minutes later, I hear an exuberant cry. ‘She’s in here! I found her! Come look!’ he bellows, motioning frantically, as I approach the downstairs door. There, curled in the bottom of one tall box, lay our cat, quite content to nap while all around her we scramble in search of her. She had not only jumped into the box – she’d pulled the lid closed after her, effectively sealing her off from view in a place we would not think to look. I mean, we know she liked boxes… we just weren’t quite sure she was smart enough to work out how to put up her own little ‘do not disturb’ sign!

If you’re curious about the title of today’s post, and don’t get it straight away, perhaps you haven’t heard of Schrodiinger’s cat? Go check it out. It’ll boggle your miiiind.

What to do if faced with a Zombie Jeebus.

Zombie Jeebus version 2 - with a touch of colour and a catchy line <img src='http://katjohnston.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_razz.gif' alt=':P' class='wp-smiley' />

Not a ‘new’ picture, but an extension on the one from yesterday. Lets face it, Zombie Jeebus just rocks, so I had to give him a touch of colour to make him seem more alive. Wait… is that right? Something seems wrong with that previous statement. Well, that aside, ya gotta admit, he does look good for a dead man.

So… what should I write to go with this picture? I kinda covered a lot of it yesterday, so today, I’m just going to cover a couple of extra bits and pieces.

First off, the second coming of Christ is not going to be some divine event where a beam of light peeks through the clouds, with the sound of violins and bluebirds chirping in the trees with the Lord our savior descending with arms outstretched. Keep an eye out at zombie flash mobs. Far more likely. Zombie Jeebus likes to be among his own kind – the sorta-not-really undead.

If you have a Zombie Jeebus chasing you, do not pray. I repeat, do not pray! Zombie Jeebus has a direct tap into the devine phone-line, so if you’ve just found an awesome hiding spot, don’t give it away. Pray, and you become a big fat blip on his radar again. Do you really want to be a blip?

Try to remain calm, and don’t get Zombie Jeebus mixed up with other supernatural entities, like vampires. It has not been tested (that I know of), but showing him a crucifix and flinging holy water on a Zombie Jeebus may actually even -increase- his power. Do you really want to risk it?

In the end, you just have to face the fact that its all one big fat conspiracy. There’s a zombie, a ghost, and a voodoo master who makes people outta clay running the show. That’s who we have in the big house upstairs. If horror movies are anything to go by, that’s probably not a good combination.

Ok, that’s all folks!

Zombie Jeebus wants You!

Zombie Jeebus: He's a friend indeed when you're in need... for braaaaaiiiiins.

Last night, a friend and I were chatting… about morals, and ethics, and all sorts of other exciting things. It made a detour. It became about the sweet zombie Jeebus. I could rewrite this up properly, but I think it might be best actually, to just provide an edited transcript, with names changed to protect the innocent. Oh, the picture was actually drawn on lined paper, the lines have been chopped out, and he’s in a state where I might actually colour him in sometime on the computer. Ok, onto the transcript!

Kat says:

Now that’s swerved away from the whole moral side of things…. I don’t know whether I would jump in front of a bus to save a kiddley wink – I could speculate, but wouldn’t know until it was that split second…
same with the whole running back into a burning building thing… or going ‘save yourselves!’ to the plucky companions as I turn to fight off the killer zombie jebuses chasing us..

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*laughs* I’m with you on that. Though I think if it came to killer zombie jebuses, I might be on the side of every man for himself, unless I had a sure-thing killer zombie jebus killer weapon…

Kat says:

chainsaw! Or rather, chainsaw, riot-shield, pepper-spray, and delightfully ironic pointed crosses for spearing at a distance… in the side is best for zombie jeebuses I believe.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*gigglesnorts*

Kat says:

Holy water though: not so much of a threat to the zombie jeebus.
could hurl crowns of thorns like little ninja-stars though…

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*laughs* Sulfur could be useful too…

(heh, now I have images of throwing crown-of-thorns starfish like ninja-stars!)

Kat says:

ohhhhhhhh… could throw hanks of bread at them while screaming ‘turn that into fish, will you! I perfer toast!

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

Remember: moats will not work as a defense against killer zombie jebuses…

Kat says:

*snickers* Note: Keep an eye on the corpses. Zombie Jebuses have been known to raise again three days after death… perhaps even the second time around.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

heehee… we are so blasphemous!
*giggles delightfully evilly*

Kat says:

Keep in mind also: Jeebus has been known to raise other people from the dead. That means he is a super-zombie, and should be avoided at all costs if you don’t want to become a zombie too. Jesus saves… your corpse for later.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*uproarious laughter*

Kat says:

Zombie Jeebus: a lesson in persistance. Forty days and forty nights is not a good enough lead if he wants the tast of fleshhhhhhh…. oh… and calling his dad soooo doesn’t work to get him in trouble. Damn man thinks he’s a saint.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*giggles* Terrible!!

Kat says:

Don’t let the halo fool you… zombie jebus wants to convert you… to zombieism!

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

Owey… tummy hurts from laughing…

Kat says:

I can just imagine the theme music… ‘devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us is a devil inside….’ http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=luobOzreRq4
like the fight scene from shaun of the dead in the bar, with queen playing… but instead, its a room full of the zombie jebuses….

Anyhow, the rest just went on from there. I should really refine that down and turn it into something meaningful. There is some great material in there to play with, certainly! I can certainly see it turning into a ‘Guide to combating the Zombie Jeebus’ or ’10 things to know when facing the re-risen Messiah’… perhaps even ‘What to do if the Lord our Saviour is after your Braaaaaiiiiinnns’. But really… if you do happen to run into the Zombie Jeebus, you should be ok. Zombies aren’t very smart. Besides, when it all comes down to it, he’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!

A Useful Lecture.

Kat Johnston Sketchbook - The first page of yet another book... I decided to go to town on this one.

I decided yesterday, as I went into my media writing subject, to dedicate the first page of this new little notepad to a bit of drawing… then post it with no cropping, no centering in on a good spot and cutting out the rest, or any of that sort of stuff. Thus, I present to you the first page of yet another notebook. You can click on the image to zoom in and get a bit of a better closer look… might be helpful to read some of the writing close-up.

If I am drawing during a lecture or a class, this is the sort of stuff that does actually generally come out… it isn’t something to distract me from what is being said, it is… hmmm… lets say an almost meditative technique? It is something to do with my hands as my mind is focusing on something else (what is being said by the lecturer, teacher, etc). My mind is fairly unfocused on what I am drawing – its more a stream of consciousness than anything else, flitting here and there and everywhere as I listen to and absorb other information.

Yes… sounds like a complete cop-out as to why I am wasting my time sketching when I should be ‘concentrating’ on something else… but I actually find it helps. I don’t entirely know how… perhaps some pseudo-meditative thing whereby the action of doing something without thought focuses the mind on that which actually requires attention.

Or perhaps it is just that things flitter through my brain almost constantly and getting them on paper gives them somewhere to go… empties out the random things to let the important stuff have some space up there. Eh, those are a couple of theories, in any case.

One of the best things to come out of the lecture, oddly enough, was a showing of an old film regarded by some to be the ‘worst film ever’. Plan 9 from Outer Space was shown, just the first half dozen scenes, and I was laughing the entire time… I love films that are just so bad that they’re good. Just to give you a little taste of just how brilliant this film is… watch a clip from the opening of the movie. Its well worth checking out!

Aw rats… don’tcha just hate it when that happens?

Kat Johnston Sketch: Aw rats! Don't you just hate it when you have something bubbling away, look away for a second, and suddenly its all over the stove?

I bought brand new pens day before last! I’m so happy… they’re not expensive pens: papermate ten pack for about three bucks. Why papermate? I absolutely adore the blue. So rich, so vibrant, so pretty pretty. The owl drawn yesterday was from one of the blacks.

The reason I am saying this? Because it brings to mind a little story. I did a painting class as one of my first subjects when doing my undergrad degree. At the end of the subject, there was a combined classes showing of finished works for the final assessment. I was having a bit of a chat to one girl who was showing her work: it was her first time painting. She was taking it as an elective for her teaching course. She told me to take her over to my piece, so I did. The first words out of her mouth were ‘oh, well, uh, I can’t afford good brushes like you…’ I replied that I did actually buy new brushes before painting that work. They came in a twelve pack for $2.50.

Don’t get me wrong, I love beautiful, well made, quality brushes… but sometimes when you’re on a student income, you work with what you can get. At the time, I could afford $2.50 for a pack of twelve – and I was able to produce a decent work with them too. Whilst I might favour slightly more expensive brushes now, I can still paint perfectly well with rather inexpensive ones. Given the choice between the two though, I’ll let you guess which type I would generally pick.

When it comes to drawing… well.. a papermate blue beats most other blues I know for random drawing in the margins of my notebooks. I won’t go near a pen that is horrendeously inconsistant and that I can’t get a good tonal range for, for regular sketching, but even the cheap ones can produce good results if you go with the right brand.

I do a lot of sketching with ballpoint pens – I hardly ever do sketches in pencil these days. I think its because if you screw up with a pen, you screw up… you either see it through and try to save it or rework it (with often brilliant results), or toss it to the side and start over. You see how you put it together – if you used guidelines, they’re still going to be there when you’re done. On top of all that… I just love the challenge of it. Ahh ballpoint pen, how I do adore thee…