Archive for the 'Humerous' Category

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Sketch: Missy Pen-Pen, and ‘Yay, I got my Parchment… ohhh…’

Kat Johnston Sketch: My darling miss Pen-Pen with her fishie treats... I love my cats.

My darling Miss Pen-Pen, how I do so adore her. She’s the little sumo-cat of our household, and isn’t afraid to throw her weight around if needed. She truly is a queen, speaking up when she’s ready for a snuggle and somehow -you- haven’t given her one yet. She does have a tendency to get demanding at times.

A sumo for a queen… now that is an interesting thought, is it not? Its like the daughter of a 1950s mob boss that everyone compliments and so forth, even though in reality she’s no drop-dead gorgeous bombshell: she’s twice the size of a house and happy for it. So long as the situation didn’t change, she’d never have reason to doubt other than what people have told her either, would she? While not exactly entirely true, you get the picture. My Pen-Pen is a queen and a sumo to boot.

Onto an entirely unrelated matter… I got my parchment yesterday! I’ve now officially got my little piece of paper saying ‘Look world, this person has actually completed a Masters of Arts and Creative Industries Management, and she’s done it in such a competent manner that we’re willing to say she somehow knows what she’s talking about. Yay her.’

It’s kinda a funny feeling: I have it done, completed, finito, and there’s nothing left to do. I’m not sure if anyone else feels that the receipt of a piece of paper to say ‘Really, I know what I’m talking about,’ is as anti-climactic as I do… but it does tend to feel that way to me. You finish your course, you wait almost five months, and finally some small woman comes a-knocking at your door and says ‘Sign here please.’ You do as you’re told, you open it, and this piece of paper really isn’t all that more impressive than the last one (I’ve done this three times now).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have it – but it’s almost as if finally getting it is mocking in nature. ‘So,’ it says to me, in a wheedley little voice, not unlike that weasel little tell-tale in the school yard most of us have doubtless encountered. ‘So, it’s been almost five months since you have completed me, and what have you done? Hmm?’

Here am I, wide-eyed, stuttering out an ineffectual response. ‘Well, I, umm, I was waiting on you before, you know, I, um, got started on anything? Or something like that?’

The parchment snickers knowingly, a gleam to it’s silvered seal as it glints in reflection of the somewhat dim fluorescent bulb. It’s almost an accusation. ‘Ohhh, but you have me now,’ says he, ‘You have no excuse left! What are you going to do, hmm, what are you going to do?’

With a barely uttered grunt of disgust I glare at my parchment, and fling it in a drawer with the others. That’ll teach it to have a go at me!

Sketch: Magnificent Mogs

Kat Johnston Sketch: Is there anything more magnificent than a pair of moggies? Kittens... full of teh cute.

We’re building on the post of yesterday now… yesterday’s picture looked rather much like a Lolita to me (one of my cats), that I had to do a Penny too (uhhh.. the other cat). Penny does not look quite right on her own though, when there isn’t a Lolita around to try and pounce on her tail.

You see, Penny is what we would like to refer to as a ‘sumo’ cat. Lolita, now she is the ninja. I’m not sure if ninjas and sumos regularly get along, but these two cats have never really been the cuddley type with each other. Ohhh, they play, they skip around the house chasing each other one way and the next… they’ve even been known to form rather effective two-cat hunting parties when it comes to cornering a quick-witted lizard. But they’ve never really been close to the point of snuggling.

What is Lolita’s favourite pasttime? Bugging Penny. What is Penny’s favourite pasttime? Sleeping… oh, and bugging Lolita. It all tends to work out in the end.

Oh, on another little note, I’ve decided to split up the Sanu stuff from this blog, and move it over to its own little area at http://katjohnston.com/sanu. While I believe that it wasn’t doing too bad over here, giving it its own space will hopefully allow me the freedom to expand on some Second Life issues there without boring… well… the rest of you! If you want to check it out, just skip over at any time and take a peek. KatJohnston.com will return to its regular content of sketches and random thoughts.

Sketch: Box kitteh sez ‘I iz live nao? Wheee! Kibble Plz?’

Kat Johnston: Box kitteh... Is she alive? Is she dead? You'll only know if you ignore the 'do not disturb' sticker!

Lord I am tired tonight… and I’m not even entirely sure why. I guess that some days are just long, and when they are, they bear down on you, making you feel worn and weary. That aside though, I’m very happy with my sketch today! A little while back, I did a picture with a scrawled cat… it was the last thing drawn on the sketch and honestly, my favourite part of it. So today, I had another peek at that sketch and thought, ‘yup… I’m going to try this again.’

I did-so, and today’s picture is the result. It is by little wonder that my picture reminds me so much of my darling Lolita, a little tortie cross who is one of two apples of my eyes. Penny, being the other, is not currently pictured.

You see, each night before he goes to bed, my dutiful husband does a round of the house. He makes sure that the doors are locked, that the air-conditioning is off (if indeed it were on on the first place), and so on and so forth. One of the other things he does is check to make sure that both cats are around and safe. We have indoor-only cats, and although there is very little chance that they have somehow performed the great escape, it never hurts to check.

One evening, he does his regular rounds, calling out to the cats to make sure that they are safe and secure like the rest of us. ‘Lolita!’ he calls, ‘Lolita, baby-girl, where are you?’

This goes on for a couple of minutes… then a couple more. After which, he comes racing down the stairs. ‘I can’t find Lolita!’ he cries, his eyes wide and gripped by a certain paternal fear. ‘Come help me look!’

Thus, I join the search. From high to low, from top to bottom, in every perceivable nook and cranny we search to discover the missing feline. She had me quite as mystified as she did James. With a rising panic I realize that it does indeed seem that our magnificent moggy had finally discovered a special secret way known only to cats to teleport from one part of the room to another, but further, how to do it to the outside.

How would she survive? She had no opposable thumbs, no pre-prepared sachets of food designed ‘for pet consumption only’ strapped to her bluish back. She had, of course, wrestled a gecko or two in her day, but that was nothing when put beside the territorial neighbourhood tom.

With a sigh of resignation and no small measure of puzzlement, we were almost ready to admit our defeat. Our cat had somehow escaped, despite all odds of both means, opportunity and brain-matter. ‘One last time,’ murmurs James. The search begun anew.

A bare few minutes later, I hear an exuberant cry. ‘She’s in here! I found her! Come look!’ he bellows, motioning frantically, as I approach the downstairs door. There, curled in the bottom of one tall box, lay our cat, quite content to nap while all around her we scramble in search of her. She had not only jumped into the box – she’d pulled the lid closed after her, effectively sealing her off from view in a place we would not think to look. I mean, we know she liked boxes… we just weren’t quite sure she was smart enough to work out how to put up her own little ‘do not disturb’ sign!

If you’re curious about the title of today’s post, and don’t get it straight away, perhaps you haven’t heard of Schrodiinger’s cat? Go check it out. It’ll boggle your miiiind.

What to do if faced with a Zombie Jeebus.

Zombie Jeebus version 2 - with a touch of colour and a catchy line <img src='http://katjohnston.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_razz.gif' alt=':P' class='wp-smiley' />

Not a ‘new’ picture, but an extension on the one from yesterday. Lets face it, Zombie Jeebus just rocks, so I had to give him a touch of colour to make him seem more alive. Wait… is that right? Something seems wrong with that previous statement. Well, that aside, ya gotta admit, he does look good for a dead man.

So… what should I write to go with this picture? I kinda covered a lot of it yesterday, so today, I’m just going to cover a couple of extra bits and pieces.

First off, the second coming of Christ is not going to be some divine event where a beam of light peeks through the clouds, with the sound of violins and bluebirds chirping in the trees with the Lord our savior descending with arms outstretched. Keep an eye out at zombie flash mobs. Far more likely. Zombie Jeebus likes to be among his own kind – the sorta-not-really undead.

If you have a Zombie Jeebus chasing you, do not pray. I repeat, do not pray! Zombie Jeebus has a direct tap into the devine phone-line, so if you’ve just found an awesome hiding spot, don’t give it away. Pray, and you become a big fat blip on his radar again. Do you really want to be a blip?

Try to remain calm, and don’t get Zombie Jeebus mixed up with other supernatural entities, like vampires. It has not been tested (that I know of), but showing him a crucifix and flinging holy water on a Zombie Jeebus may actually even -increase- his power. Do you really want to risk it?

In the end, you just have to face the fact that its all one big fat conspiracy. There’s a zombie, a ghost, and a voodoo master who makes people outta clay running the show. That’s who we have in the big house upstairs. If horror movies are anything to go by, that’s probably not a good combination.

Ok, that’s all folks!

Zombie Jeebus wants You!

Zombie Jeebus: He's a friend indeed when you're in need... for braaaaaiiiiins.

Last night, a friend and I were chatting… about morals, and ethics, and all sorts of other exciting things. It made a detour. It became about the sweet zombie Jeebus. I could rewrite this up properly, but I think it might be best actually, to just provide an edited transcript, with names changed to protect the innocent. Oh, the picture was actually drawn on lined paper, the lines have been chopped out, and he’s in a state where I might actually colour him in sometime on the computer. Ok, onto the transcript!

Kat says:

Now that’s swerved away from the whole moral side of things…. I don’t know whether I would jump in front of a bus to save a kiddley wink – I could speculate, but wouldn’t know until it was that split second…
same with the whole running back into a burning building thing… or going ‘save yourselves!’ to the plucky companions as I turn to fight off the killer zombie jebuses chasing us..

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*laughs* I’m with you on that. Though I think if it came to killer zombie jebuses, I might be on the side of every man for himself, unless I had a sure-thing killer zombie jebus killer weapon…

Kat says:

chainsaw! Or rather, chainsaw, riot-shield, pepper-spray, and delightfully ironic pointed crosses for spearing at a distance… in the side is best for zombie jeebuses I believe.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*gigglesnorts*

Kat says:

Holy water though: not so much of a threat to the zombie jeebus.
could hurl crowns of thorns like little ninja-stars though…

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*laughs* Sulfur could be useful too…

(heh, now I have images of throwing crown-of-thorns starfish like ninja-stars!)

Kat says:

ohhhhhhhh… could throw hanks of bread at them while screaming ‘turn that into fish, will you! I perfer toast!

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

Remember: moats will not work as a defense against killer zombie jebuses…

Kat says:

*snickers* Note: Keep an eye on the corpses. Zombie Jebuses have been known to raise again three days after death… perhaps even the second time around.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

heehee… we are so blasphemous!
*giggles delightfully evilly*

Kat says:

Keep in mind also: Jeebus has been known to raise other people from the dead. That means he is a super-zombie, and should be avoided at all costs if you don’t want to become a zombie too. Jesus saves… your corpse for later.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*uproarious laughter*

Kat says:

Zombie Jeebus: a lesson in persistance. Forty days and forty nights is not a good enough lead if he wants the tast of fleshhhhhhh…. oh… and calling his dad soooo doesn’t work to get him in trouble. Damn man thinks he’s a saint.

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

*giggles* Terrible!!

Kat says:

Don’t let the halo fool you… zombie jebus wants to convert you… to zombieism!

Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

Owey… tummy hurts from laughing…

Kat says:

I can just imagine the theme music… ‘devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us is a devil inside….’ http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=luobOzreRq4
like the fight scene from shaun of the dead in the bar, with queen playing… but instead, its a room full of the zombie jebuses….

Anyhow, the rest just went on from there. I should really refine that down and turn it into something meaningful. There is some great material in there to play with, certainly! I can certainly see it turning into a ‘Guide to combating the Zombie Jeebus’ or ’10 things to know when facing the re-risen Messiah’… perhaps even ‘What to do if the Lord our Saviour is after your Braaaaaiiiiinnns’. But really… if you do happen to run into the Zombie Jeebus, you should be ok. Zombies aren’t very smart. Besides, when it all comes down to it, he’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!