Ok, so this picture isn’t strictly for Zombie Annihilation: A Jimminy Jonestown Story… or whatever it should happen to be named… Even if he would be a fantastic addition to the cast. But just in case he should make an appearance… here’s the scoop.
Oarsome is the picture-perfect definition of tough. He lost his eye in the first wave of Zompocalypse to an enterprising although very deceased rat. As I have always stated, the first to fall to zombieism will be the rats. Let’s face it – scientists don’t move immediately to human testing for stuff now, do they? Oh no. I think not.
They test things out on rats.
That’s right… first the rats – then the humans. Rats carried the plague around on their backs, they can damn-well carry zombieism to the masses as well.
Oarsome has developed some sort of immunity through, it seems. Perhaps it is the dozens of little scratches he gained while battling with the legions of undead sewer rats… or the fact that he was willing to lose an eye rather than have one of them make it to his brains for a tasty rodent meal. Hell, for all he (or anyone else) knows, all cats might be immune to it – infections don’t necessarily spread across species.
No-one has really looked into it to find out. Who has time when you’re trying to dodge and weave through an urban battleground littered with corpses… some of which are chasing after you?
Anyhow, onto the real story.
It just so happens that a friend picked up a gorgeous little fellow called Orson from the Animal Welfare League, a wonderful animal rehoming shelter with an amazing dedication to ensuring that the right animal goes home with the right person.
It was love at first sight. She popped into the pen to see if he was the right cat for her, made a direct bee-line towards him – he greeted her with a rather hearty, ‘Meow!’ and started purring soon after. What a pair they will make together!
Let me introduce you to the next in this cast of characters: Ellen Starry!
She’s an awesome gal with a fondness for anything pink, pretty and covered in Hello Kitty. If you can toss in a geeky reference, so much the better!
Don’t let the peppy facade fool you though – she’s quite happy to deliver a knock-out punch with a smile from ear to ear if you cross her, then skip off to do an x-ray or ultrasound of whatever poor sap just happens to find themselves on her examination table. Yeah, you heard it right – not only is she deadly, she also knows how to operate machinery that can kill you with radiation.
When the Zompocalypse comes, you can be sure that she won’t hesitate in trekking over vast stretches of zombie-infested land to get to Jimminy and Brittoni… after all, popping off zombies with a pretty pink gun is far more fun when you can do it with friends! So long as they all hole up in a place well stocked with booze, snacks, guns and girlie-mags, she’ll be quite satisfied.
After all, Zompocalypse is just like a real life first person shoot-em-up, right? She’s spent enough hours in front of a PS3, Wii, DS or computer screen to know how to win at those… and unlock all the hidden easter eggs. Just so long as the zombies aren’t actually the death-spawn of Hello Kitties, there’s hope for us all with her around.
Oh yeah… and she curses like a sailor. Just sayin’. She censors herself sometimes, but everyone slips up now and then.
Part two… because it was so requested by someone!
The next player in our little zombie adventure: Brittoni Hittaker. Plucky zombie-fighting companion to Jimminy Jonestown, she’s a lawyer by day and a hip-hop enthusiast by… well… all the time. She just can’t play it in court unless she finds a way to sneak it in as evidence.
When Zompocalypse strikes, Jimminy is the first person she’ll seek out… especially since he works right next door. Forget the blackberry though – that’s not gonna do squat against the zombie horde. She’ll make a move straight to the nearest liquor store to set up a base of command.
Hey, if you’re facing fairly inevitable demise, you might as well go down happy and just a little bit tipsy. Rather a bit tipsy. Ok, ok, let’s be honest here – blindingly drunk with a grenade in one hand, a wine bottle in the other, caches of artillery strewn within easy reach and Monty Python blaring on the nearest big-screen tv.
And hey – if you get holed up in there too long, at least you have something to drink.
Jimminy and Brittoni make a good team too – mutually derisive, neither of them are hesitant about bringing the other down a few notches when necessity dictates they should… and even when it doesn’t. There’s no pulling of punches between those two.
Never fear that there will be a budding romance between them though – even the end of the world doesn’t make that a good idea. Just think of all the mutually destructive vodka-swilling they would get up to!
This picture is most definitely not based on anyone real. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental, and of course, have no basis in fact. I know no-one with a red beard who works in IT, who is often carting around a blackberry and forming plans on how to kill a horde of zombies should the situation necessitate that zombie-killing (en-masse, mind you) may be required.
No-one at all.
So, now that that is out of the way, meet Jimminy! With his trusty screwdriver (good for fixing things and for stabbing), long-life Blackberry (it has Google Maps!) and well thought out plans of how to survive come the Zompocolypse, he’ll be the one to follow when the zombie horde appears because some screw-ball scientist decides to go one step too far and inadvertently invents the living dead.
Jimminy has lived his recent life with constant nightmares of the impending Zompocolypse… he has fortold its coming, with visions of a mad scientist populating the world with zombies only to attempt to flee on a skateboard to their own certain and inevitable demise. Only his great forward planning, blackberry and collection of custom-built zombie pulverizing weapons stand between life… and living DEATH.
Will Jimminy defeat the legions of the undead?
Will his Blackberry prove useful when the Google servers explode, leaving behind a charred mass of twisted metal and zombie-geek remains?
Will this b-grade storyline turn into a romance at the last second as he finds true love in the arms of a decaying and rotting (though oddly attractive) corpse?
Only time will tell… on… ZOMBIE ANNIHILATOR: The Jimminy Jonestown Story (coming 2012).
Want to understand where this has come from? Read yesterday’s post. I may or may not have been musing about the existence of zombie-rats as the result of scientific testing as a precursor to the regular zombie apocalypse, colloquially known as ‘Zompocalypse’.
Let’s try to follow my logic for a sec: Rats turn into zombies because of weird and wacky mad scientists trying to create the next great bio-weapon and testing said bio-weapon on rats. Zombie-rats escape the lab (hey, if the Rats of Nymph can do it, super-smart zombie-rats can too) and bite everything in sight… thus turning humans (and other creatures) into zombies too.
These zombie-rats aren’t the slow-moving, arms-outstretched, brain-dead zombies of yore… These zombie-rats are smart. They’re so darn smart, they understand the concept of sweet sweet revenge. And they’re willing to act on it.
So, what enjoys swooping on rats, scooping them up, and supping on their still-warm innards after pecking them to death? Owls. It is only natural that these new super-smart zombie-rats would plot to overcome the vicious owls who have plagued them so long. Zombie-rats swarm the not-zombie-owls, biting em all over, and thus making zombie-owls (perhaps even mind-controlled zombie-owl minions). The great chain of life (or death, as it were) is complete… or… something like that, anyway.
Ok, I realize that it’s a little out there, but I really did want an excuse to draw a zombie owl. That, and I am incredibly surprised at the significant lack of zombie animals in these movies… the best I think I’ve seen is a few rabid dogs. I realize that human afflictions often don’t translate into the animal world and visa versa, but surely a few do, right? Zombie-ism should be one!
Anyhow… that is all for today. Viva-la-zombies!