Kat Johnston

Tag: jeebus

  • Announcement: Oh. My. God. My Zombie Jeebus is a tattoo. A real one!

    Kat Johnston: My Zombie Jeebus is a tattoo! A real tattoo on a real person! Thanks, David, for getting this done - I'm stoked.

    I was contacted just a few days back with a request:

    “Kat – would you be OK with me getting a tattoo of your Zombie Jeebus. I know it is unlikely you would ever find out but I would feel shitty if I got it done without at least asking permission from the artist!”

    My response was an instant ‘Hell Yeah!’ quickly followed by a ‘But please send me a picture so I can put it up on the site, ok? I wanna see it!’

    Talk about being stoked – I love my Zombie Jeebus, and the fact that someone would want him on them for life is just awesome to me.

    Well, a few days have passed, and David (hope you don’t mind that I’ve used your first name here) has gotten tattooed – apparently this was the quickest he’s ever gone between seeing something, immediately knowing he wanted it as a tattoo, and getting it done. I’m really flattered.

    Just in case you’ve come in late and want to see the originals, Zombie Jeebus was first found in the post ‘Zombie Jeebus wants You!‘ then quickly followed up with a touch of colour in “What to do if faced with a Zombie Jeebus‘. The tattooist did a great job of converting it to ink on flesh, don’t you think?

    Thanks for asking to get Zombie Jeebus as a tattoo, David. Your email with the photo of the finished tattoo today just made my day.

  • What to do if faced with a Zombie Jeebus.

    Zombie Jeebus version 2 – with a touch of colour and a catchy line 😛

    Not a ‘new’ picture, but an extension on the one from yesterday. Lets face it, Zombie Jeebus just rocks, so I had to give him a touch of colour to make him seem more alive. Wait… is that right? Something seems wrong with that previous statement. Well, that aside, ya gotta admit, he does look good for a dead man.

    So… what should I write to go with this picture? I kinda covered a lot of it yesterday, so today, I’m just going to cover a couple of extra bits and pieces.

    First off, the second coming of Christ is not going to be some divine event where a beam of light peeks through the clouds, with the sound of violins and bluebirds chirping in the trees with the Lord our savior descending with arms outstretched. Keep an eye out at zombie flash mobs. Far more likely. Zombie Jeebus likes to be among his own kind – the sorta-not-really undead.

    If you have a Zombie Jeebus chasing you, do not pray. I repeat, do not pray! Zombie Jeebus has a direct tap into the devine phone-line, so if you’ve just found an awesome hiding spot, don’t give it away. Pray, and you become a big fat blip on his radar again. Do you really want to be a blip?

    Try to remain calm, and don’t get Zombie Jeebus mixed up with other supernatural entities, like vampires. It has not been tested (that I know of), but showing him a crucifix and flinging holy water on a Zombie Jeebus may actually even -increase- his power. Do you really want to risk it?

    In the end, you just have to face the fact that its all one big fat conspiracy. There’s a zombie, a ghost, and a voodoo master who makes people outta clay running the show. That’s who we have in the big house upstairs. If horror movies are anything to go by, that’s probably not a good combination.

    Ok, that’s all folks!

  • Zombie Jeebus wants You!

    Zombie Jeebus: He’s a friend indeed when you’re in need… for braaaaaiiiiins.

    Last night, a friend and I were chatting… about morals, and ethics, and all sorts of other exciting things. It made a detour. It became about the sweet zombie Jeebus. I could rewrite this up properly, but I think it might be best actually, to just provide an edited transcript, with names changed to protect the innocent. Oh, the picture was actually drawn on lined paper, the lines have been chopped out, and he’s in a state where I might actually colour him in sometime on the computer. Ok, onto the transcript!

    Kat says:

    Now that’s swerved away from the whole moral side of things…. I don’t know whether I would jump in front of a bus to save a kiddley wink – I could speculate, but wouldn’t know until it was that split second…
    same with the whole running back into a burning building thing… or going ‘save yourselves!’ to the plucky companions as I turn to fight off the killer zombie jebuses chasing us..

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    *laughs* I’m with you on that. Though I think if it came to killer zombie jebuses, I might be on the side of every man for himself, unless I had a sure-thing killer zombie jebus killer weapon…

    Kat says:

    chainsaw! Or rather, chainsaw, riot-shield, pepper-spray, and delightfully ironic pointed crosses for spearing at a distance… in the side is best for zombie jeebuses I believe.

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    *gigglesnorts*

    Kat says:

    Holy water though: not so much of a threat to the zombie jeebus.
    could hurl crowns of thorns like little ninja-stars though…

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    *laughs* Sulfur could be useful too…

    (heh, now I have images of throwing crown-of-thorns starfish like ninja-stars!)

    Kat says:

    ohhhhhhhh… could throw hanks of bread at them while screaming ‘turn that into fish, will you! I perfer toast!

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    Remember: moats will not work as a defense against killer zombie jebuses…

    Kat says:

    *snickers* Note: Keep an eye on the corpses. Zombie Jebuses have been known to raise again three days after death… perhaps even the second time around.

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    heehee… we are so blasphemous!
    *giggles delightfully evilly*

    Kat says:

    Keep in mind also: Jeebus has been known to raise other people from the dead. That means he is a super-zombie, and should be avoided at all costs if you don’t want to become a zombie too. Jesus saves… your corpse for later.

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    *uproarious laughter*

    Kat says:

    Zombie Jeebus: a lesson in persistance. Forty days and forty nights is not a good enough lead if he wants the tast of fleshhhhhhh…. oh… and calling his dad soooo doesn’t work to get him in trouble. Damn man thinks he’s a saint.

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    *giggles* Terrible!!

    Kat says:

    Don’t let the halo fool you… zombie jebus wants to convert you… to zombieism!

    Kat’s Plucky Companion says:

    Owey… tummy hurts from laughing…

    Kat says:

    I can just imagine the theme music… ‘devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us is a devil inside….’ http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=luobOzreRq4
    like the fight scene from shaun of the dead in the bar, with queen playing… but instead, its a room full of the zombie jebuses….

    Anyhow, the rest just went on from there. I should really refine that down and turn it into something meaningful. There is some great material in there to play with, certainly! I can certainly see it turning into a ‘Guide to combating the Zombie Jeebus’ or ’10 things to know when facing the re-risen Messiah’… perhaps even ‘What to do if the Lord our Saviour is after your Braaaaaiiiiinnns’. But really… if you do happen to run into the Zombie Jeebus, you should be ok. Zombies aren’t very smart. Besides, when it all comes down to it, he’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!